What My Parents Taught Me About Leadership

One of the best parts about blogging for me is that my parents read each and every post.  My father takes a look at the content only, while my mom is my chief proofreader. During my early years of blogging I always posted each post to my personal Facebook page and emailed my parents a live link. It was at this time my mom got sick of all of the spelling and grammatical errors so she emphatically stated that I must send her each post to proof before posting.  The early lesson for me here was that it is always good to have another set of eyes look over your blog posts before you make them public.

Image credit: http://www.picmonkey.com/p/gQYDuAPCRpq

This however is not the purpose or point of my post.  In one sense I want to thank my parents for all that they have done for my and my brothers over the years. Knowing that I have their attention with each post, it makes some sense to use this medium to convey my heartfelt admiration for their job as parents. On the other hand, I really want to focus on what my parents taught me about leadership throughout my 41 years of life.  After a recent keynote presentation I was reflecting on the fact that I hadn’t spoken to them upon returning from Turkey a few days earlier.  It must have been the perfect storm of just finishing talking about leadership and guilt that provided the motivation for this post.

Here is some context before I detail what I learned about leadership from my parents.  I grew up in a very rural area of Northwestern NJ. Growing up here led to a great appreciation of the outdoors and participation in many different sports.  My father was an elementary school principal at Alpha Public School and Hatchery Hill School for a total of 30 years.  I have always been proud of following in my father’s footsteps.  Once I became a principal myself I only hoped to be a fraction of the leader he was.  My mom was an elementary teacher for 27 years, the last 18 spent teaching at Francis A. Desmares School in Flemington, NJ.  Her passion for always finding the best in all of her students still sticks with me to this day even in my new role.

As a child I never truly understood many of the decisions and actions of my parents.  What I now know is that they influenced my development into a leader in more ways that I could ever write about.  Below are possibly the ten most important leadership lessons that I learned from my parents:

• Celebrate what matters: You would not have known it in my household, but both my parents were award-winning educators.  I only found out about this at both of their retirement dinners.  My father even testified to congress on a few occasions. To them their success was a testament to the people they worked with and most importantly their students.  They taught me that it was extremely important to celebrate the work of others and what goes on in schools. This is why I empower other leaders to become the storyteller-in-chief.
• Organization and time management: As kids my brothers and I were empowered to take responsibility over our learning.  To this end my parents ensured that we studied and managed our time appropriately. Not only did these lessons save me in college, they also positively impacted my productivity as a principal.
• Timeliness – Unless I missed something, my parents were never late to work.  Being present and on time for my job as well as at meetings and events really sends a positive message.  
• Money Matters – My dad was all over me even as a young adult about creating a personal budget in order to manage my finances. I learned more about money management and budgeting from him than I did any course I ever took.  This knowledge was then applied as a principal when I had to create and present an annual budget for my school. In my opinion this was one of my strengths.
• Putting students first – During our childhood my mom put her career on hold in order to stay home with me and my brothers. She encouraged my wife to do the same stating that you will never get this time back. This lesson taught me to always put my students first and to create a school culture that did the same. In education we have the unique opportunity to positively impact the life of a child every day. This is an opportunity not to be squandered. Everything we do in education is for our students.
• Modeling – I often talk about the need for leaders to model the expectations that they have for others. My parents imparted this lesson to me from birth. Their example and actions were always impacted to teach me to be a better student and person. It was their modeling of the importance of character and integrity that probably had the most impact on me. Don't ask others to do things that your yourself are not willing to do. Most importantly, be a leader of action.
• Shared sacrifice – Nothing epitomizes servant leadership than shared sacrifice. It was apparent that my parents were only concerned with our well-being. They never splurged on expensive cars, elaborate trips, or a large home. Instead, they put all their effort and finances into our education and trying their best to teach us how to be good people.  As leaders we must make certain sacrifices in order to initiate and sustain change.  It is also understood that our main role is to serve our key stakeholders if transformation is the ultimate goal. Sacrifice also involves making difficult decisions. Remember that leadership is not a popularity contest.
• Work Hard for Everything – My parents didn’t give me or my brother’s any handouts besides our college education, which they sacrificed greatly for. The expectation was to commit to a goal, follow-through, and learn from mistakes. This lesson helped me to be more motivated intrinsically to succeed as opposed to extrinsically. I have seen the most impact in this area by taking control of my learning through the formation of a Personal Learning Network (PLN). I live by this Chinese proverb, "The person who says it can't be done shouldn't interrupt the person doing it." Work hard and success typically follows.
• There is nothing more important than family – At every family wedding my father does a toast. In his short speech he says that there is nothing more important than family. Leaders understand that their school or district is a family. From a professional perspective nothing else is more important and this is why we do the work we do.
• Empathy – All throughout my childhood my parents taught me how to be empathetic. They did not tolerate the use of hurtful language or bullying of any kind. Their kindness and generosity to others and us is still apparent to this day.  This lesson taught me to identify and understand the situation, feelings, and motives of others before rushing to judgment, decision, or regrettable action.  Am I still working on this – definitely!

This is a much longer post than what I typically write, which shows you how much I have learned about leadership not from a book, class, or my Personal Learning Network, but from my parents. I could go on and on. However, a fitting close to this post is quite simply a thank you. Thank you mom and dad for all you did and continue to do to teach me what leadership is all about. I love both of you so much!

What have your parents or family members taught you about leadership? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please share in the comments below.